For engaged couples
Build the marriage, not just the wedding.
Take our free Marriage Readiness Check. In about three minutes you'll see where the two of you are already strong, where to start, and the one conversation to have tonight.
Free · 20 short statements · your result on screen straight away
Example result
Here's where you are
Why it matters
Most couples plan the wedding for a year and the marriage for an afternoon.
Nobody means to. The venue has a deadline and the hard conversations don't. So they wait, and they tend to show up later, in the middle of a fight.
The same fight, again
A small moment turns into a big row, and afterwards neither of you can quite say how it got there.
The topics you steer around
Money, family, sex, the future. Avoiding them feels like peace. It is really a bill you pay later.
"We'll sort it out after"
The wedding rarely fixes what you didn't talk about. It just raises the stakes.
The chain reaction
You're not really fighting about the dishes.
Your brain has an alarm. We call her Amy. Every time something hurts in the same way, Amy adds a link to her chain. So when something today feels like those old hurts, she reacts to the whole chain at once. That's why a tiny spark can set off a blowout far too big for the moment.
The good news is that once you can see the whole chain, you can work with it together. That is exactly what the Readiness Check starts to show you.
How it works
Three minutes now. A better marriage on purpose.
Take the check
Answer 20 short statements for yourself, honestly. There are no wrong answers.
See your result
Where you're already strong, the one area to start with, and a conversation to have tonight.
Get the 50 Questions kit
Ten guided conversations to have before the wedding, free in your inbox, plus five short emails from us.
What the check looks at
Five areas every strong marriage is built on
The first four help you heal what you each bring. The fifth is about building what you dream, together.
Know yourself
The story you each bring, and your triggers
Heal what you bringUnderstand each other
Empathy as a skill you can learn
Heal what you bringTalk well
How you talk, and talking about how you talk
Heal what you bringFight well
Repair, and the chase and withdraw pattern
Heal what you bringBuild the future
Your shared vision, and the life you're saying yes to
Build what you dreamWho we are
We're Andrew and Melissa. We nearly didn't make it.
We're both clinical psychologists, and we're married to each other. We had the training, and we still hit the wall. Our worst fights were never really about the dishes or the diary.
What turned it around was learning to have the hard conversations on purpose, before they had us. Everything we teach, we lived first, then learned, then taught. No ivory tower.
Andrew & Melissa Visagie
Coming soon
Marriage Maker
Our ten-day course for couples who want to prepare before they need to repair. One short day at a time, in your own home.
- A short video from the two of us each day
- One exercise to do together
- A tool you keep for life, from your trigger map to your shared mission statement
The Readiness Check is the best place to start.
It shows you which part of Marriage Maker matters most for the two of you, and couples who take it hear first when the doors open.
Questions
Before you start
Is the Readiness Check really free?
Yes. No card, no catch. You get your result on screen, and if you'd like the 50 Questions kit we'll email it to you.
Do we both need to take it?
No. Answer for yourself, honestly. Many couples each take it and then compare results over dinner, which is a great conversation in itself.
We're already married. Is this still for us?
Yes, especially in the first few years. The check and the kit work just as well for newlyweds as for engaged couples.
Is this therapy?
No. This Relationship Thing is educational and reflective. It isn't therapy, diagnosis or treatment, and it doesn't create a psychologist and client relationship. If your relationship feels unsafe or you're in distress, please speak to a qualified professional.
How long does it take?
About three minutes for the check. The kit is ten conversations you can do one evening at a time.
Find out where the two of you are.
Three minutes, 20 honest statements, and one conversation to have tonight.
Take the free Readiness CheckFree · your result on screen straight away